Deep musings of an "academic"

In a conversation today, I learned that when a person takes qualifying exams for a PhD it is the pinnacle of his/her intellectual world. Apparently, a person will never feel quite as intelligent as during that process.

Many of you know, I'm about to hit that moment of ultimate intelligence (my own little hyperreality--thanks, Baudrillard). So I thought I should share with you some of the deep intellectual musings I've pondered during this two weeks in study mode:

• Is my dorm room really cockroach-free this year, or are they just better at hiding?
  
• Were my new sandals, which I bought at Kohls for "free" after spending $100 on other miscellaneous items to get the "free" gift certificate, really free?


• Where are all the men at the gym here getting their steroids (and don't try to tell me that creepy cartoon-proportioned upper body is natural)?


• Why do the pictures of me taken during this May seminar usually show me eating

Now I can't be one hundred percent sure, but I think Isocrates, Plato, and Aristotle started out on similar themes.

Mother's Day in Texas: Preparing for the Ultimate Showdown

For the third year running, I spent Mother's Day traveling to Lubbock, Texas, home of dried grass and fire ants. This year, I went with greater trepidation than usual, not because I am preparing to take comprehensive exams and not because I will miss my family (which I will). No, I was nervous because I was preparing for my own ultimate showdown with The Grackles.

Never heard of a grackle? Be grateful. I hadn't either until May 2007. I was wandering the TTU campus when a shrill cry pierced the humid heat waves and a bird dove at my head.

Since that initial encounter, each time I stroll (often lost) on this vast and lovely campus (it really is huge, really) a grackle has swooped down from a tree, sometimes from a tree a full mile away. It then has attempted to remove various facial features.

Last year my jogs on campus became so dangerous, I decided to jog on the track near the dorms--no trees. I jogged into the stadium only to notice dozens of grackles wandering around on the ground of the stadium, huddled in groups reminiscent of Alfred Hitchcock's birds. I quietly tiptoed out of the stadium, trying to decide if running down the middle of the street was a good option.

So this year while packing, I contemplated a bike helmet, body armour, sharp pointy objects, etc.. But thanks to the security and 50 lbs. suitcase rule at airports, I had to content myself with sun glasses and a baseball hat. If those protective devices fail, maybe I can use my hairspray like a can of mace.