For the third year running, I spent Mother's Day traveling to Lubbock, Texas, home of dried grass and fire ants. This year, I went with greater trepidation than usual, not because I am preparing to take comprehensive exams and not because I will miss my family (which I will). No, I was nervous because I was preparing for my own ultimate showdown with The Grackles.
Never heard of a grackle? Be grateful. I hadn't either until May 2007. I was wandering the TTU campus when a shrill cry pierced the humid heat waves and a bird dove at my head.
Since that initial encounter, each time I stroll (often lost) on this vast and lovely campus (it really is huge, really) a grackle has swooped down from a tree, sometimes from a tree a full mile away. It then has attempted to remove various facial features.
Last year my jogs on campus became so dangerous, I decided to jog on the track near the dorms--no trees. I jogged into the stadium only to notice dozens of grackles wandering around on the ground of the stadium, huddled in groups reminiscent of Alfred Hitchcock's birds. I quietly tiptoed out of the stadium, trying to decide if running down the middle of the street was a good option.
So this year while packing, I contemplated a bike helmet, body armour, sharp pointy objects, etc.. But thanks to the security and 50 lbs. suitcase rule at airports, I had to content myself with sun glasses and a baseball hat. If those protective devices fail, maybe I can use my hairspray like a can of mace.
5 comments:
A Grackle? Is that like one of the noises Rice Crispies make? Snap Grackle Pop? By all means protect that precious head. As part of our family you are well aware that your brain is the most precious part of your body. Have you considered getting a neon leopard helmet (can be purchased at any local bike store) and ramming the Grackle's with it in an offensive/defensive measure? I found this very effective in the second grade.
-Lisa
Perhaps you can find a pith helmet at an army surplus store in Lubbock. It combines "helmet" with "pointy object".
Quinn
What about a goalie mask? That covers head and face.
I kind of like the idea of you running around Lubbock in a pith helmet shouting, "duck and cover people," and then lashing out with your laptop, ballpoint, or purse at the invading grackles. I think the hockey mask would be more like joining the grackles and attacking harmless students.
Okay, so clearly all birds are evil. Even the little ones you keep in cages for decoration or whatever. BIRDS = EVIL. I mean, there's even a documentary about it called "The Birds".
Post a Comment