Personal Disclosure

I have been accused of only talking about other people on my blog and not disclosing anything about myself. To combat this nasty allegation, I have decided to disclose a few sordid personal details about myself:

• I can sing but refuse to do so in public just in case Simon jumps out and catches me at it.
• I have a lot in common with cartoon characters. For example, I have twice stepped on the prongs of a rake, making it strike me with great force. I saw stars on both occasions.



• I loath bananas (don't tell my children). I gag just thinking of their mushy texture and bland flavor.
  

• While not shy, I prefer not to talk about my own activities (successes and failures) that much. In fact, I think I've shared enough for one blog post.


• 
  Mr. Banana Grabber from Arrested Development, frightning

In the eyes of the beholder

After ten and a half years of marriage, Allen and I have gained a deeper appreciation and respect for each other, and we are the best of friends. However, we definitely approach life from different perspectives, and we must regularly negotiate between these two view points. Let me give you some examples. (To sound more detached and thus more valid, I have used generic “spouse” rather than “Allen”.)

My perspective: the last person out of bed should make it.
Spouse’s perspective: the last person out of bed should feel lucky.

My perspective: Doing the laundry involves washing, drying, folding, and putting away clothes.
Spouse’s perspective: Doing the laundry involves sticking random clothes into the washing machine (usually with soap). Eventually the clothes will dry themselves in there.

My perspective: Yards should avoid most lawn ornaments (particularly large angel statues), as they are tacky and make the yard look like a circus advertisement.
Spouse’s perspective: Yards should avoid all lawn ornaments, lighter potted plants, and large stones or landscaping bricks, as they can be used to break a window (why give someone a potential key to the house?).

My perspective: A good meal is colorful with red fruit and green veggies with a main course.
Spouse’s perspective: A good meal is colorful with red ketchup and green pickle relish on a Costco Bratwurst.

Anyway, I’m sure we have many other issues we see just a bit differently, but then again, maybe Allen would disagree with me!

What's in a name?

Wooby, Little Man, Chunky Monkey, and Captain Underpants on a hike together

When I was talking to Grace yesterday, Cooper interrupted me to let me know that he would prefer me to call her "Little Chubby Tot." Without thinking much, I switched to the new name. After all, in our house we call each other all kinds of strange nicknames: Wooby, Kimster, Westleberry, Princess Grace, Supa Coopa, Little Man, Chunky Monkey, Tiny Dancer, Tator Tot, Allenardo

The list of these bizarre endearments could go on and on.

Juliet asked "What's in a name?"(or rather Shakespeare did), and she rationalized that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Of course, Romeo and Juliet both died as a result of their names, hopefully Wooby turns out better than Capulet.

Tongan Ninja: An Instant Classic

(Updated to give you taste of Tongan Ninja theme song)

"As a boy, he survived a plane crash on a remote Pacific Island where he was trained in the ancient art of Ninjitsu after fish tragically ate his father. But when The Syndicate threatens the kindly owners of a New Zealand restaurant, the deadliest ninja alive must battle Knife Man (an expert with knives), Gun Man (an expert with guns), Henchman (an expert with henches), and his childhood archenemy Action Fighter (known as Marvin) to save the woman he loves. From the savage jungles of Tonga to the mountaintop Patio Of Death, this is the underground comedy sensation. . . that's taking the world by storm. If you see one cleverly dubbed martial arts musical comedy action movie this year, make it TONGAN NINJA!"

Yes, Allen rented this movie. I agree with the cover's assesment that if you do see one martial arts musical comedy action move this year, it will have to be Tongan Ninja since I can't imagine anything else fitting in this "interesting" genre.

Also, I've started titling my posts with the academic convention of an endlessly long title complete with semi-colon, fin.

Don't Wish It Away--A.K.A. Proof of Human Resiliency

(Kimball eating with mouth open, charming)

Kimball and I walked dinner to the backyard neighbors a couple of weeks ago after the neighbors had a new baby. Kimball, of course, asked me all about the actual process of getting a baby out. I gave him a brief description of the birthing process, and he asked, "Doesn't that hurt?" I told him that, yes, it hurt a lot. Then he astutely asked me, "Why does anyone ever do it again?"

Good question. I think the answer has something to do with the resilient nature of human beings. I recently chatted with a grandmotherly type, who told me I shouldn't wish these years away. What's to wish away? Yesterday, Grace dumped out a bookshelf, an entire box of cereal, and painted the kitchen floor with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Not to be left out of the fun, Weston created k'nex booby traps on all clean floor surfaces and dumped several cups of sugar into my newly purchased, non-salmonella peanut butter. And when Kimball and Cooper arrived home, they immediately began screaming at each other and randomly punching and kicking any person in range.

When this well-meaning woman told me not to wish it away, I took it as further proof that we are a resilient species. That or she was slightly senile.

Oh well, since my peanut butter is unfit for sandwiches, maybe today I'll bake peanut butter cookies. You know the saying: When life gives you sugar-encrusted peanut butter . . .


(Weston sleeping in the dog's bed surrounded by his mess)